The Video Game Critic's
Bally Astrocade Reviews A-Z

This nicely fills the role of the obligatory "race to the end of the maze" cartridge, not unlike Maze Craze for the Atari 2600 (1978). Amazing Maze adds a few new wrinkles but doesn't quite live up to its name. Prior to each race the CPU has to generate a random maze, and the process can take up to 30 seconds on the hard level. This pompted my friend Steve to immediately declare the game as "beer friendly". The mazes are rendered with fine green lines, and each player begins on opposite ends of the maze, often passing each other on their brief journey. Excellent controls let you swiftly navigate your square around corners without getting stuck on the edges. I did get a bit annoyed with that warbling noise that plays throughout the race. Three levels of difficulty are available, with easier mazes having wider corridors. Surprisingly, I found the harder mazes less fun because you pretty much have to guess a route and go with it. At least with the easier mazes you can usually spot the correct path, making it feel more like a race to the finish. Afterwards the winner's route is shown with a dotted line - a nice touch. It's hard to get excited about Amazing Maze in 2009, but my friends seemed to enjoy it enough. I will give the game credit for one thing - it provides a CPU opponent when nobody else is around! I've never seen that in a game like this before! Also included is the game of Tic Tac Toe - a throw-away title if I've ever seen one. Yes, we're talking about the original Tic Tac Toe - not some space-aged 5D edition. I got so irritated watching my friends play it that I nearly knocked the grade down another letter. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

This Space Invaders clone is nothing short of spectacular especially considering its 1977 release date. The gameplay never wavers from the formula as you aim a cannon at an alien armada that gradually descends upon you and your four red shields. The multicolored aliens are impressively large, and each row is distinctive in design. Your cannon moves swiftly from side-to-side, and its small size makes it easier to dodge the torrent of bombs. Your shots travel fast, which really keeps the pace brisk and the action non-stop. Whenever an alien is shot, a static red "explosion" briefly appears, but it almost looks like a glitch. This also appears when your missiles collide with alien bombs - something that happens with alarming frequency! In later stages, it seems like half of your shots are canceled out! The sound of your cannon firing is an extremely weird effect, like a bird in a pipe or something. One major problem with Astro Battle is its difficulty progression, which really hits a wall around the fourth wave. When the aliens are relentlessly dropping bombs about a millimeter above your cannon, there's not much you can do. Even so, Astro Battle is sure to "wow" Space Invaders fans. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

This pinball game might not look like much, but there's more to this than meets the eye. First and foremost, Bally Pin's excellent controls feel more natural than any other video pinball game I've played. You hold one controller in each hand, using the triggers to activate the left and right flippers. Not only is it extremely comfortable, but the small flippers let you wield a fine degree of control. The sparse playfield doesn't offer much variety, populated with a few assorted bumpers, drop-targets, and a single spinner. Still, the round bumpers kick the ball around nicely, and it's always a challenge to knock out all of the drop-targets (causing scoring to double). You'll go through your five balls fairly quickly, so don't worry - this game doesn't drag on like so many other pinball titles. The physics is a little off, but considering this was released in 1981, I'd feel like a real dick complaining about something like that! Hell, I have new games that can't get the physics right! Bally Pin includes two tables, but except for the color schemes, their layouts are very similar. It's not much to look at, but Bally Pin has it where it counts. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

The first time I played Blackjack, Poker, and Acey Deucey I thought it was pretty decent. The screen displays a green table with well-defined cards and intuitive prompts. Betting is performed by turning the knob on your controller to select the desired dollar amount, which would be fine if the controls weren't so damned touchy! I really wish you could "lock in" a value instead of having to "dial up" the same amount (usually the maximum) every turn. The Blackjack variation lets you "hit", "double", or "stand" by moving the joystick and pressing the fire button. It's fairly effortless with one player, so I figured four players would be four times the fun. I was badly mistaken! For some odd reason, only a single player can do anything at a time. So instead of having all four players place their bets at once, you have to go around the horn in a very time-consuming manner. The Poker variation is especially tedious as each player is prompted whether to keep each one of their five cards. It's like the game goes out of its way to be as slow as possible! The audio seems missing in action, as the games are played in almost complete silence. If not for the solo Blackjack mode, this card game would be a total bust. © Copyright 2010 The Video Game Critic.

This is one of those oddball titles that collectors should not overlook. Dog Patch is a simple can-shooting game with two riflemen positioned on each side of the screen. A square "can" is tossed up the middle, and both players try to shoot it off the opposite side of the screen. Thanks to the analog knob on the Astrocade controller, you can finely adjust your aim. What's cool is that these shotguns actually spray bullets, as if they were sawed-off shotguns. That means you don't have to be perfectly on target to hit the can. Both players will often knock the can around in mid-air, turning it into a volleyball game of sorts. The more hits the can absorbs, the more points it's worth. Dog Patch is surprisingly fun and requires good reflexes. There's not much to see, but the large, multi-colored characters are nicely detailed. You can play solo for score, but the real satisfaction comes from going head-to-head. My friends absolutely fell in love with this game. The only blemish is the high-pitched, cringe-worthy sound effects, which will make you turn down the volume immediately. Still, Dog Patch is one of the simple pleasures of classic gaming. I suspect Dick Cheney would love this game, despite the fact that you can't shoot your opponent in the face. © Copyright 2010 The Video Game Critic.

This is a surprisingly sophisticated football game, and if not for its tedious play-calling system, it would be classic material. Designed for head-to-head play, Football also supports two-on-two action (four players), which is pretty remarkable! The action on the field is fluid and lively. After hiking the ball, you move the quarterback and can adjust his arm to throw at any angle (by turning the knob). When the ball is in flight, you control two receivers while the defense controls two cornerbacks. It's fun to fight for the ball, although it can be hard to tell who came down with the thing! Still, with a little practice I found myself consistently picking up first downs. Each contest is played with four-minute quarters, and it's a shame you can't adjust that because it's way too long! But Football's real Achilles heel is it's play-calling mechanism. Only the offense selects a play, which involves watching a cursor move slowly down a list of five formations. You move the joystick to when the cursor is next to your desired play, but get this - you always have to sit through the entire sequence - even when you pick the first play! I suspect this time-consuming process was meant to provide a mechanism for disguising your selection, but it's not worth the aggravation! Even if the player on defense diverts his eyes from the other player, he can usually hear the joystick move! When playing my friend George, it was hilarious how he resorted to various coughs and unnatural body movements in order to hide his selection. I was also amused by the two play-calling sheets provided. While one is clearly designated "for YELLOW TEAM" and the other is labeled "for BLUE TEAM", they are in fact exactly the same. There's a lot to like about Football, but the unweildy play-calling system compromises the fun. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

Not only is this a well constructed Galaxian clone, but it actually eclipses the original in terms of frantic action. This may be the fastest, most relentless shooter I've ever played on a classic system! You move a cannon back and forth across the bottom of the screen while firing at a colorful alien armada. There are fewer aliens on the screen than in Galaxian, but they are larger and multi-colored. Blue drones line the bottom row, red ones fill in the middle, and two yellow, triangular "bosses" are perched on top. When bosses descend they are usually escorted by two red ships, and taking out all three nets you big points. The action is fast and furious as the aliens typically peel off in groups of 4 or 5 at a time! And these guys are fast! The orange-and-yellow explosions look sweet, and when you destroy a boss the point amount is briefly displayed (nice). When you clear an armada - don't blink - because a new one immediately appears in its place. Likewise, when one player dies in the two-player mode, the second player immediately picks up where the other left off! The fact that the action never lets up prompted by buddy Steve to declare, "This is not a beer-friendly game!" But even the breakneck pace can't hide a few flaws. First, when the aliens drop bombs, their bombs materialize about 10 pixels below the alien, giving you less time to react. And while there are nine skill levels to choose from, the difficulty seems to remain constant as you play. It's not that big of a deal though, since even the lower difficulties are formidable. In retrospect, I'm glad Galactic Invasion wasn't a faithful translation of Galaxian, because this game offers a unique shooting experience all of its own. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

Looking a lot like Indy 500 (Atari 2600, 1977), Grand Prix offers basic racing action with three tracks, along with a bonus demolition derby mode. Four players can compete at once, and each car looks slightly different to eliminate any confusion. Two driving modes are available, with "pro" incorporating some drifting action. You can configure each race for up to 99 laps, and if you're playing solo, racing against the clock is also an option. It sounds like a surefire winner, but Grand Prix is actually pretty boring! The first track is a basic oval, and the third is a pointless circle, so only track #2 is the least bit interesting. You steer by pushing the joystick left or right, but why wasn't the knob used for that function? The cars are very wide, leaving little room to pass. You're constantly hitting another player or scraping the edge of the track, slowing the action to a crawl. In terms of audio, the droning of engines and screeching of tires aren't anything to write home about. My friends were pretty pumped up about the demolition derby mode, but it turned out to be an unplayable mess. I appreciate Grand Prix's four player support, but I can't shake the nagging feeling that this should have been much better. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

Built right into the Astrocade console, Gunfight is pretty freakin' awesome. This one-on-one cowboy showdown is not unlike Outlaw on the Atari 2600, but Gunfight looks much better and is far more sophisticated. The multi-colored gunfighters are large and their bullets really zip across the screen. The knob on your controller adjusts the angle of your gun, and being able to adjust your aim independently of your movement really enriches the gameplay. You can shoot away at the scenery or ricochet bullets off the top and bottom of the screen. Both sides are limited to six shots, and should you run out of ammo, you'll be a sitting duck until the round timer runs out (so start dancing!). There's no single-player option, but the game is ideal for a quick shootout with a friend. Gunfight doesn't have any variations, but it feels like it does. That's because the scenery changes between rounds, gradually incorporating cactus plants, evergreen trees, and moving covered wagons. The game is not glitch-free however, and in some instances stray pixels appear which can interfere with the gameplay. Oh well, you don't throw away a Cadillac just because it has a dent in it. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

Finally - a game that lives up to its name! Expertly programmed and super fun, I would have to describe Incredible Wizard as ... awesome. This game is known as Wizard of Wor on other classic systems, but none of them can touch this. For the uninitiated, the gameplay involves blasting monsters in a maze that changes from round to round. Certain creatures can become invisible, but these can be tracked via a radar display on the bottom of the screen. Periodically you'll face a sub-boss (!), followed by the wizard himself who comes out guns-a-blazing. Other home versions tend to be lacking in some regard, but Incredible Wizard has it all. The characters are rendered in multi-colored sprites, and the explosions are sweet. The fact that you can't shoot through the explosions slightly limits your destructive capabilities, but it is possible to shoot two creatures at once (if they're overlapping). The action grows progressively more intense, but the animation remains smooth and the controls perfectly responsive. Three skill levels are provided, and two-player simultaneous mayhem is encouraged. As icing on the cake, you're treated to some amazing audio. The beautiful noise generated by this game calls to mind the din of a 1982 arcade. The distorted, multi-layered music is a feast for the ears, easily surpassing anything else I've ever heard on a classic console. Incredible Wizard rocks the Bally Astrocade, but to be honest, this would be considered top-notch entertainment on any system. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

This perfectly-executed Pac-Man knock-off impressed the hell out of me. If you take the original Pac-Man arcade game, lower its resolution and cut out the intermissions, you're left with Muncher. The vibrant graphics are flicker-free, and the blockiness only adds character. The layout of the maze is faithful to the original game, complete with the various fruit bonuses. The "waba waba" sound effects are nicely done, although you can't hear the looping background "siren" as you're eating (apparently the game can only play one sound at a time). Your little "Muncher" doesn't continue moving when you release the joystick (as he does in real Pac-Man), but otherwise the controls are flawless. When you eat the ghosts, they turn into red eyes, and your point bonus is displayed on the left side of the maze. There's only one difficulty level, but the pace increases rapidly, and kicks into overdrive upon reaching the fourth round. I find it ironic that Muncher lacks an official Pac-Man license, because it is by far the most faithful adaptation I've played on a classic system. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

I've always been intrigued by pirates, and with a name like Pirate's Chase, I was totally psyched about this game! Sadly, I was in for a disappointment of Titanic proportions! Upon firing up the game I was greeted by a nice seafaring refrain, but the graphics were a far cry from the colorful, exotic images on the instruction manual. I was staring at a red screen with rows of black circles. According to the instruction manual, it's supposed to represent doubloons (coins) scattered over a beach! Come again?? How many beaches are bright red? The object of the game is to move a circular shape around the screen to gather the coins while avoiding "the spirit of Long John Silver". This so-called "spirit" looks like a little skull and crossbones. Occasionally a bonus "treasure" appears in the middle of the screen, but it's often hard to discern what it's supposed to be (an ice cream sundae? No wait - eggs benedict!). I have a sneaking suspicion that this project began as a lame "collect the dots" project, only to be given a pirate twist by some imaginative (and possibly unstable) instruction manual writer. The action is fast but the control is putrid! Your circle abruptly jumps from one spot to the next, so it's impossible to move with any precision. It's especially aggravating when you're trying to snag the treasure and your circle is hopping all around it. Aside from a quick opening song, there's no audio besides the "put-put-put" of collecting dots. The two-player mode supports simultaneous treasure grabbing, but it's not very satisfying. Failing to deliver swashbuckling thrills on any level, Pirate's Chase should be regarded as a cautionary tale. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

This two-in-one cartridge offers the same brand of tank/airplane action as Combat (Atari 2600, 1977), but it's less fun. The dogfighting action (Red Baron) isn't so bad, bearing a striking resemblance to Triple Action (Intellivision, 1981). You view your plane from the side, and can adjust both your direction and speed as you try to shoot down your opponent. Random clouds cover parts of the screen, and a red barn is centered on the ground below. You can't fly off the top of the screen, but the sides "wrap" around. The planes look terrific and vary slightly in shape. It's a shame they both happen to be the exact same color (red), because that makes it too easy to confuse the two. The action moves at a nice pace and I like how planes go into a tailspin when shot down. The Panzer Attack tank variations are far less interesting, despite supporting up to four players! The sparse maze is lifted straight out of Combat, and I wish I could say the same about the gameplay. Your inabilitiy to curve or ricochet your shots severely limits the strategy, and most contests degenerate into defensive stalemates. Tanks don't even relocate when shot, making them sitting ducks for follow-up attacks. Both Red Baron and Panzer Attack let you set a time limit, but there are no options to customize the game. Wow, Combat is looking better all the time! © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

If you think this second-rate space shooter looks bad, wait until you play the damn thing! The gameplay is very similar to Cosmic Ark (Atari 2600, 1982), but much less refined. Is that colorful rectangle in the center of the screen supposed to be a space fortress or an oriental rug?! Moving the joystick lets you aim in four directions to protect your precious rug. Enemies appear around the edge of the screen, conveniently positioned in your direct line of fire. When will these dumb-ass aliens learn to attack diagonally?? Certain enemies unleash fireballs, but most are just sitting ducks. The action is repetitive and decidedly unpleasant as you methodically shoot in each direction. Occasionally a Tie-Fighter enters the screen and flies in a circular pattern, but he never sticks around long enough to make things interesting. When your fortress is finally destroyed, you're subjected to one of the most ridiculous (and gratuitous) "explosion" sequences ever witnessed in a video game. Fireballs continuously spring forth from your rug for a good 15 seconds, but it seems like hours. When all is said and done, the screen is a colossal mess. Weak in terms of gameplay and ugly to boot, classic gamers will be wise to avoid this fortress of despair. © Copyright 2010 The Video Game Critic.

I've seen a lot of games try to recreate the dramatic Death Star trench battle from the first Star Wars film, but this has got to be the sorriest of the bunch. Programming the illusion of moving through a trench is surprisingly easy - you just render a static trench with several sections, and then cycle the section colors. But no matter how effective the illusion, it's pretty pointless without some solid gameplay to back it up. Star Battle is sorely lacking in this regard! You control (and I use the term loosely) an X positioned near the bottom of the screen. At first I thought it was a cross-hair, but it eventually dawned on me that it's supposed to represent an X-Wing fighter! Pressing the fire button lets you fire at the Tie Fighter meandering near the top of the trench. Your X-Wing bounces around on its own accord, so you really need to wrestle with it and it's impossible to shoot with any precision. The Tie Fighter returns fire, and the winner is the first side to reach a pre-determined score. A two-player mode allows a second human to control the tie fighter, but why drag someone else into this mess? Star Battle is so astoundingly bad, you may find yourself looking around and asking, "Is this supposed to be a joke? Okay guys, you can come out now!" © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

This collection of simplistic, two-player Pong-style games uses "paddle" controls, and thankfully the excellent Astrocade joysticks double as paddles! Typically Pong games have you moving rectangular sticks up and down, but in this game you move stick figures! But there's more to it than that. Tornado takes Pong to the next level by adding the ability to move your player sideways (using the joystick), in addition to up and down. In Tennis (grade: B-) this effectively gives you the ability to "play the net", adding a new dimension to its otherwise standard gameplay. In Handball (F), players take turns hitting the ball against the same wall, but that's just confusing and pointless. In Hockey (C-) you move two characters at once, and can move your forward player sideways. This has loads of potential, but that crazy "puck" just bounces randomly all over the place, and more often than not your forward deflects the puck away from the goal! You just end up playing defense and hoping the puck will accidentally ricochet into your opponent's goal. And playing to 21 points is a hardship. Baseball (C-) is the real oddball here. At first glance, it looks like a throwaway title. You basically just pitch and swing, with the CPU automatically handling the fielding duties. Despite its shallow nature, you have to love how this game moves lighting-fast! Heck, you can play an entire 9-inning game in under five minutes! If only Bud Selig would incorporate "Astrocade rules" into Major League Baseball, I might start watching again! Tornado's audio is sparse, its options are limited, and you'll need a friend to play it. As my friend Scott put it: "It's not bad, but it's certainly not good!" © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

The third-party title boasts one of the best title screens you'll see in a classic game (granted, there's not much competition). It features a huge sunken pirate ship surrounded by fish, a shark, and an octopus. Treasure is scattered over the sea floor, and a submarine lurks in the background. A series of harmonized tunes play over and over, and most have a nice swashbuckling vibe. The game itself isn't bad either! Treasure Cove puts you in control of a diver who must fetch coins from the sea floor and return them to a boat on the surface. In the process you must avoid touching the multi-colored fish, turtles, octopus, crabs, and sea horses that swim across the screen. Each stage introduces a new form of aquatic life, and there are over 20 in all! It's fun to see what each new round has in store, but I find it odd how even the tiniest fish are fatal to touch. Beware of the deadly sea guppy! There's also a funny looking blue fish with a long nose that my friends affectionately refer to as a sea elephant. Your diver moves slowly and has limited oxygen, but you can pick up the pace by holding in the fire button. Treasure Cove's gameplay is simplistic but encourages a degree of risk-taking. Be sure to stay near the middle of the screen, because new fish will suddenly appear a good inch or two away from the edge of the screen. Treasure Cove's colorful graphics features a blue sky and a green sea, with objects so detailed you can even make out your diver's scuba gear! The game moves along at a leisurely pace, but it's not a bad way to cool off during the summer. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.

Sloppy, boring, and with a ridiculous name to boot, Zzzap and Dodgem represents some of the worst of what the Astrocade has to offer. These two driving games look more like half-finished projects than legitimate games. The object in both is to travel the furthest distance within a time limit (configurable up to 99 seconds). Zzzap is a first-person driving game that plays like Night Driver (Atari 2600, 1980) but without the challenge and fun. You steer a huge box between a narrow set of moving posts. Steering is no problem using the controller knob, and if you have any driving skill whatsoever you'll complete each run at full speed without incident. Should you hit a post the words "BANG!" or "ZORK!" inexplicably display across the screen. Why is this even called Zzzap?? Dodgem is the second game, and it's a lame overhead driving game along the lines of Street Racer (Atari 2600, 1978). You steer your small car up a roadway while avoiding red cars that bounce off the guardrails. The steering is not particularly responsive and the collision detection stinks. This cartridge was obviously an early entry in the Astrocade's short lifecycle, but that doesn't make it any easier to stomach. © Copyright 2009 The Video Game Critic.